Priorities as a Woman

For over thirty years as a woman in leadership, I have frequently been asked, "How do you balance everything as a wife, mom, pastor, and leader?" My honest answer is that balance doesn’t exist. In fact, striving for balance can be exhausting and ultimately futile. Instead of pursuing balance, I’ve learned to focus on setting clear priorities and boundaries. This shift in perspective changed my life and made managing the various roles much more practical.

At the core of my priorities is my relationship with God.

This vertical relationship is fundamental because if it falters, everything else in my life is affected. Intimacy with God is foundational to becoming a whole person, equipped to serve others effectively.

Next in line is my family.

Before ministry or career, my husband and children are the ultimate priorities. I’ve committed to ensuring that my career aligns with these primary relationships, rather than the other way around. This means that if my relationship with God or my family becomes compromised, I reassess and make necessary changes. As a leader, I have a responsibility to build God's kingdom, but not at the expense of my family’s well-being.

A particularly poignant experience for me was when I invited my children, Taylor and Holly, to give an unscripted evaluation of my parenting on Mother’s Day at our church. I asked them to share one high and one low of their experience with me as their mother. Taylor shared that my frequent travels were difficult for him, but he also acknowledged that he has always felt prioritized. Holly expressed similar sentiments. Their responses affirmed that despite my demanding roles, I’ve managed to keep my family at the forefront of my life.

It is vital to establish priorities, but equally crucial is setting boundaries that protect those priorities. For instance, the dinner table is sacred in our home, and I don’t allow interruptions, even for emergencies. This boundary creates a sense of peace and continuity in our family routine. Similarly, I establish traditions and maintain boundaries that define time off, vacations, and special family occasions, ensuring that ministry or work does not encroach upon these protected times.

Women often carry multiple roles, which require the juggling of many hats simultaneously. This dynamic can be overwhelming. But having a mindset focused on priorities and boundaries, rather than an elusive balance, is liberating. I want to encourage women that while we aren’t perfect, we are not called to be perfect parents – only God is. However, we can strive to do our best by setting boundaries that reflect our priorities.

In this journey of leadership, the enemy often tries to undermine our sense of effectiveness by making us feel like failures, especially when our efforts don’t meet ideal standards. We need to silence this voice by reminding ourselves that our first priority is to serve God and take care of our family. As long as these two priorities are intact, other commitments can wait. 

There will be seasons when friendships or social engagements take a back seat to our primary roles as mothers, wives, or spiritual leaders. This reality can be challenging, but it’s temporary. Once children are grown and more independent, there will be more opportunities to engage in social activities.

As a woman in leadership, it’s vital to protect the family unit. Ministry can be consuming, but it’s crucial to remember that caring for one’s own family is part of fulfilling God’s calling. If you cannot manage your home well, it’s unreasonable to expect to manage God’s house well. 1 Timothy 3:5 reflects this truth, emphasizing that leadership must begin at home.

Boundaries must be set not only in the physical sense but also in the emotional and spiritual realms. For example, the fear of failure and the guilt of not meeting everyone’s needs are battles women often face in leadership. However, setting firm boundaries and holding to them can prevent burnout and preserve relationships. This approach also sets an example for others – demonstrating that true leadership involves saying “no” at times to say “yes” to more important things.

Ultimately, women in leadership need not be overwhelmed by unrealistic expectations. God has called each woman uniquely, with different gifts and roles, and it’s okay to live according to those personal callings without comparison or guilt. Prioritizing God and family creates a strong foundation for everything else, including career, ministry, and personal fulfillment. 

It’s about living with intention, with a focus on what truly matters, and understanding that seasons change. As women, we can strive to do our best, trusting God with the results, and letting go of the pressure to be perfect. By maintaining clear priorities and healthy boundaries, we can lead with grace, strength, and joy.